Patience During the Coronavirus Lockdown

As a number of countries reach the mid point of the harsh (we hope) version of the Coronavirus lockdown I thought we should examine patience. After all, we’re gonna need it.

Patience is something we have to relearn cos let’s face it none of us have it any more. We’ve all pretty much gotten the saintly virtue bashed out of us by, well, life. I mean, how in Mahatma Gandhi are we supposed to remain calm and zen like and mr mystic-yogi-go-round-like-an-anorexic-loony-in-a-loin-cloth when we have to put up with CNN 24 hours a day, emails banging at our smartphone like a friggin woodpecker on coke, the bosses ragging on us like we never dumped the parents all while the debts on those damned pay day loans have us perpetually charging around at 3,000 goddamned miles per hour just to keep up with the blasted interest rates/debt collectors/online bank manager avatar and perhaps worse of all – the wife nagging. And all of that acts merely as the day time precursor to a hell bent sleepless night (I wish I was in Seattle) with the twin toddlers blaring away in my left ear like a Harley Davidson with a sawn off exhaust.

So now, like the invisible crack hand, along comes Covid-19 solely to add yet another (like we needed it) stress tanker of fuel to the manic wildfire (sorry Australia) of our clearly non patient lives – even if for one second we put aside the minor, miniature, irrelevant reprieve from the debt collector who’s gone strangely Corona quiet and my Damian like bosses who shut my frigging smartphone email up right after they delivered a warp speed, Harley sized, boot up the ass trip to benefits town presumably so the owner-likes of Philip Green/Richard Branson/Mike Ashley can just keep living in the style they’re so entitled er accustomed to. But heyho, who cares, certainly not Donald or Boris.

I do, though, have some good news for you and let’s face it we need a little cos so long as the above dynamic duo keep managing things as they are we’ll all have the curve flattened on our life expectancy meaning a swift goodbye to us (which is not the good news) but might also mean bye bye debt collector’s, bosses, bankers, CNN news presenters or whatever (and this could be the good news). Saying that, if this doesn’t come to pass then no worries at all cos we’ll just get back to good ol’ life as usual stressed and miserable as hell. What though, say you, is the good news if the latter kicks in? Well der, it’s obviously that the second wave of Covid-19 means it mutates to the point where it only targets rear-line workers like debt collectors, bankers, bosses and the dynamic duo. Tara!

Saying all this, I still believe there could be another way. There might be a more cosmic, karmic, saintly, dare I say even God like solution to this whole Coronastress life bouncing right back at ya to shitty normal thing. Cos one day, as if by some hand of acid taking fate, Coronavirus might wake up and get fed up to hell being stuck in our slightly pathetic, manic, hyper wired, last person on earth to actually still shop at the Gap, self-centrico, Kardashian watching bodies and sod off to another planet where the inhabitants are less, well, like us. You know, where marijuana’s legal. And if for some bizarre reason that doesn’t happen we can just go and get religion/foraging/yogic/a life/rid of the Donnie and Boris act or an oven to stick our heads in.

I think I’ll go download that podcast on the three minute guide to wellbeing by the Kardashians.

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Surviving Coronavirus Lockdown

Apparently a third of the world’s population is currently in lockdown which says a lot about the current state of democracy. But, as my daughter says, ‘anyhoo’, which I guess means means let’s flip the channel from CNN to the Kardashians.

But how do we actually survive our very own lockdown. Not how Tom Hanks or Boris Johnson or that really famous model wandering around in a hazmat suit (which I guess is mobile lockdown). And not how Donald Trump survives lockdown (wishful thinking) but how we, you know, normal folk of the world actually survive it.

Cos from what I can see this is the only bullet proof approach to survival: lock yourself (and your family) in your home, throw away the key so NONE of you can EVER leave, figure out how to make your food last 6 months to be super safe (we hope…), buy earplugs to deal with the kids thing, buy anything to deal with the wife thing just make sure buying doesn’t break rule 1 or 2, call your mother every day so you don’t need earplugs to deal with the mother thing, and when the food runs out eat the cat, then the dog, then the rodents, than, but only then and as a very last resort eat the kids which at the every least deals with the kids thing.

And that pretty much sums up how to survive lockdown. Oh, and if we do survive this Coronavirus thing (and not the drink that sounds kinda like it) then remember you heard it first here. Yep, spread the word on survival like your spreading your last peanut butter sandwich. God that makes me hungry…

If you enjoy these posts on ‘Surviving’ all I ask is for you to support a vital Climate Change project, called DSP, by giving just £3 or just over $3 per month. To find out more CLICK THIS LINK.

Surviving the new, new normal

Since the great depression just a dozen odd years ago we’ve been facing a constant series of ‘new norms’ to adjust to. An endless number of ‘seismic shifts’ to understand and adapt to. Just when we think we’ve mastered one the next major change lurks just around the next corner.

I guess it started with the 2008 great recession when the fear of God was struck into us that we might lose our bank (mmm…) and with it any of our meagre savings (what savings?). Then, of course, the actual recession hit and we lost our savings in any case assuming we had any in the first place.

Following this we experienced an endless wave of new Internet and mobile technology things and apps that confused the living daylights out of us and left us, well, less in control than ever – other than, of course, controlled by our phone. Which I guess is why they called it the ‘smartphone’ in the first place. Think about it, it’s not like we’ve been renamed the ‘smartperson’.

More recently we’ve been consumed by ISIS, then Brexit (let’s not go there), then Trump (let’s not go there either), then climate change (let’s let Greta go there) and now Coronavirus – or is it Covid-19 I’m never quite sure. And that pretty much takes us to today. Right?

Except shifting to today’s new norm of lockdown and Trump/Johnson/Bolsonaro/Lenin (oops maybe that last one’s dead) ‘too real reality’ show on every single friggin’ day seems well, more painful than all the other norms put together. So how in the world do we adapt to this mother of all events?

Well, that’s what these musings are about. Surviving. Cos that’s the new, new norm. Surviving to write another day. So, I guess if this is my last post – at least you’ll know why.