Seeing as we’re all stuck at home and TV network ratings are soaring like no Christmas turkey tomorrow I thought that, as an avid viewer, I should publish the Letts offic (blame the daughter-lingo thingy again) guide to advertising in the time of Coronavirus.
Here’s our list of SUPPORTED advertising categories: government health warnings (bring it on baby), food, drink, alcohol (we thought this particularly worthy of being singled out), books, dvd’s (for those of you who haven’t figured out a neat not-so new thingy called Netflix), in-home fitness, any kinda loan (and NOT loan sharks), any kinda government handout (please), any place whatsoever that actually sells hand sanitizers this side of us all being….., hazmat suits, seeds, plants, aspirins (for dealing with the kid thing), cough syrup, NHS gift aid, self-help stuff (no quack is a duck quack quack in my books right now) any environmental causes, wildlife (cos we like those shots of cute animals), kid protection services (mine will need it too if they don’t stop flipping channels and hogging bandwidth), Kickstarter campaigns for Covid-19 vaccines and last but by no means least our very own pre-packed tombstones.
And here’s our list of INAPPROPRIATE advertising categories: guides to price gauging, betting (like we have any money right now), savings products (see betting), banking (cos you screwed the economy last time round so you don’t get to milk us this time too), funeral parlours, cars (too tempting), fashion (see cars), new movies (not until you actually start releasing them again), James Bond memorabilia (see movies), real estate (really), support Trump campaigns (please), support Johnson campaigns (see Trump), support Bolsonaro campaigns (what’s the point he doesn’t have any – support that is – not Coronavirus, they have plenty of that), kids toys and anything to do with Easter (see the no money thing and aspirins to deal with the kids bit), drugs (if only), travel (really), news (Christ we’ve got enough of that!).
Phew, that was a little exhausting. I think I’ll get back to watching the TV.
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Philip Letts 