Surviving Coronavirus Lockdown

Apparently a third of the world’s population is currently in lockdown which says a lot about the current state of democracy. But, as my daughter says, ‘anyhoo’, which I guess means means let’s flip the channel from CNN to the Kardashians.

But how do we actually survive our very own lockdown. Not how Tom Hanks or Boris Johnson or that really famous model wandering around in a hazmat suit (which I guess is mobile lockdown). And not how Donald Trump survives lockdown (wishful thinking) but how we, you know, normal folk of the world actually survive it.

Cos from what I can see this is the only bullet proof approach to survival: lock yourself (and your family) in your home, throw away the key so NONE of you can EVER leave, figure out how to make your food last 6 months to be super safe (we hope…), buy earplugs to deal with the kids thing, buy anything to deal with the wife thing just make sure buying doesn’t break rule 1 or 2, call your mother every day so you don’t need earplugs to deal with the mother thing, and when the food runs out eat the cat, then the dog, then the rodents, than, but only then and as a very last resort eat the kids which at the every least deals with the kids thing.

And that pretty much sums up how to survive lockdown. Oh, and if we do survive this Coronavirus thing (and not the drink that sounds kinda like it) then remember you heard it first here. Yep, spread the word on survival like your spreading your last peanut butter sandwich. God that makes me hungry…

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Surviving the new, new normal

Since the great depression just a dozen odd years ago we’ve been facing a constant series of ‘new norms’ to adjust to. An endless number of ‘seismic shifts’ to understand and adapt to. Just when we think we’ve mastered one the next major change lurks just around the next corner.

I guess it started with the 2008 great recession when the fear of God was struck into us that we might lose our bank (mmm…) and with it any of our meagre savings (what savings?). Then, of course, the actual recession hit and we lost our savings in any case assuming we had any in the first place.

Following this we experienced an endless wave of new Internet and mobile technology things and apps that confused the living daylights out of us and left us, well, less in control than ever – other than, of course, controlled by our phone. Which I guess is why they called it the ‘smartphone’ in the first place. Think about it, it’s not like we’ve been renamed the ‘smartperson’.

More recently we’ve been consumed by ISIS, then Brexit (let’s not go there), then Trump (let’s not go there either), then climate change (let’s let Greta go there) and now Coronavirus – or is it Covid-19 I’m never quite sure. And that pretty much takes us to today. Right?

Except shifting to today’s new norm of lockdown and Trump/Johnson/Bolsonaro/Lenin (oops maybe that last one’s dead) ‘too real reality’ show on every single friggin’ day seems well, more painful than all the other norms put together. So how in the world do we adapt to this mother of all events?

Well, that’s what these musings are about. Surviving. Cos that’s the new, new norm. Surviving to write another day. So, I guess if this is my last post – at least you’ll know why.