Surviving Coronavirus Lockdown

Apparently a third of the world’s population is currently in lockdown which says a lot about the current state of democracy. But, as my daughter says, ‘anyhoo’, which I guess means means let’s flip the channel from CNN to the Kardashians.

But how do we actually survive our very own lockdown. Not how Tom Hanks or Boris Johnson or that really famous model wandering around in a hazmat suit (which I guess is mobile lockdown). And not how Donald Trump survives lockdown (wishful thinking) but how we, you know, normal folk of the world actually survive it.

Cos from what I can see this is the only bullet proof approach to survival: lock yourself (and your family) in your home, throw away the key so NONE of you can EVER leave, figure out how to make your food last 6 months to be super safe (we hope…), buy earplugs to deal with the kids thing, buy anything to deal with the wife thing just make sure buying doesn’t break rule 1 or 2, call your mother every day so you don’t need earplugs to deal with the mother thing, and when the food runs out eat the cat, then the dog, then the rodents, than, but only then and as a very last resort eat the kids which at the every least deals with the kids thing.

And that pretty much sums up how to survive lockdown. Oh, and if we do survive this Coronavirus thing (and not the drink that sounds kinda like it) then remember you heard it first here. Yep, spread the word on survival like your spreading your last peanut butter sandwich. God that makes me hungry…

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